What a day...

Have you ever had a day that was just overwhelming nearly from the very start? Sometimes I don't even know WHY a day seems to be so overwhelming. Sometimes there is nothing really different about one day from the other, but my ability to handle the issues and stresses of the day - though completely normal and average for my life - is so much less than on another extremely similar day. Some days I feel so competent and as if I could change the world and change my baby's diaper all at the same time; other days I feel like I can hardly manage to form a complete sentence or walk up the stairs without tripping and dropping the enormous amount of baggage I carry around as a mother (btw, the bruises on my ribs, knee, hand, and chest from this morning's fall up the stairs at church are killing me).

Well, today has been a rough one so far, and I really can't tell you why. Nothing has gone terribly wrong in my life - my husband didn't lose or quit his job, my house wasn't broken into, my child isn't sick, my car didn't break down...in fact, several positive things have happened - I got up early and got ready and got my son ready in time to drive my husband to work for his 7:30AM meeting and go on from there to Starbucks to catch up on my reading and homework before my 9AM bible study (maybe trying to fit too much "catching up" into too little of a time had something to do with my overwhelmed feeling), I went to bible study and really enjoyed the discussion and the video by Beth Moore (we're doing the Esther study by her - I highly recommend it for any women reading this), and I came home and fed my son. A nice man helped me to my car (with my numerous bags and baby in a carseat) and watched my things while I went to the bathroom to change Roman's diaper at Starbucks; He even took a picture of me with my son on my phone sitting at Starbucks. He told me about his two daughters and we had a good little chit-chat. Another sweet old woman came up and talked to me for a little while there, as well (there is something inviting about a baby - sometimes it invites positive interactions, such as those I had today, and sometimes it attracts negative glares; still other times you meet people who step over the line with unwarranted advice or simple annoyances, such as waking your FINALLY sleeping baby).

Another thing I noticed today that just hit me out of nowhere (although, I shouldn't be surprised it has happened nearly every time I've gone to bible study) is how much I can miss my 4 month old son when I'm away from him for only an hour or two. It's ridiculous. It is such a crazy feeling - like a part of me is missing. It's a strange, almost anxious feeling to get back to him and be together again. I LOVE the bible study I'm in, but at the same time, about half-way through I start to get that homesick feeling from being without my son. It's so strange how a tiny baby who has only been in your life - in life at all, for that matter - for such a short time can become such a part of a person's definition of themselves...You really never know what paretnhood is like until you experience it yourself. No one could have described these feelings in a way that I could have fully understood before I had these experiences for myself - and I'm sure I can't describe them to others who are not in this situation or have not been in the past. Life is funny that way. Our descriptions and explanations of things fall way short of fully describing them. So, I know that when people tell me of situations they have been in that I have not experienced, I probably don't really understand the emotions and thoughts they are experiencing, no matter how well they explain it and how hard they try to get it through my head. I need to trust that it's deeper than I can understand when I try to reach out to someone in a situation separate from my own. It's great to reach out, but to say I "get it" or "understand" would really be a misstatement.

4 months old

In two days my son will be 4 months old. 4 months! Where has all the time gone! On the other hand, look at how much my life has changed! I can hardly remember life without him.

Why does that happen? When something big happens in life, I often feel like it's been forever and just yesterday all at the same time. I guess it's just because it's such a large adjustment/change that you jump right into it physically and psychologically, but it is also such a big change that the beginning of it is more memorable than the average day.

I can hardly believe that almost 2 months ago we closed on our house and moved here. I feel like we just celebrated 1 month here. The 2nd month definitely went quicker than the first. And I can't believe that that means Roman has spent half of his life here already! In his first 2 months of his life we lived in 4 different towns/cities, and we've been here that same amount of time. Only two more months until Christmas! Wow (and YIKES...there are so many projects to get done around here before then!)!

What has changed since Roman was born?

• Well, we had a baby, for starters! ;-)
• We got out all the baby stuff he needed for a week, then we packed it all back up...
• We took him to small group and church and a few doctor's appointments for me and for him, then we said goodbye to all of our friends in Lafayette.
• We moved down to Indianapolis to stay with my parents.
• My husband started a new job.
• We got up to feed him at midnight, at 3AM, at 6AM...you get the picture...
• We celebrated Kendra's graduation from high school and her send-off to college (Crazy!) :-)
• He had his first bath in a tub, his first stroller ride, his first party, his first trip to a winery, his first garage sales...
• He started holding his head up, putting weight on his legs, grabbing for toys...
• We packed up.
• We moved again.
• We celebrated 1 month since he was born.
• He started lifting his head up, smiling at us, cooing, walking with our support...
• We packed up.
• We moved.
• Finally...into our house! 
• He grew, and grew, and grew...
• We survived the colic (after about 2 1/2 months)! 
• We painted...and painted...and painted...and painted...
• We started going to a church in town.
• We took him to the church nursery and crossed our fingers that he wouldn't be too bad...
• And he loved it! Now he can't get enough of the church nursery.
• He started rolling over from his back to his stomach (never to sleep on his back again).
• One or two days later, he started rolling from his stomach to his back.
• Done with those milestones, and many, many more.
• He plays with toys and scoots around the room; he jumps in his jumper and laughs out loud. 
• We finally found something that works for the GERD, and now he only spits up some at each feeding (and it only took 3 1/2 months...)!

There are a million bullets missing from this list, but you get the picture: a lot has happened! I'm sure many of you have similar experiences from your lives where more than you could imagine was crammed in a very short time frame. What a whirlwind adventure it's been so far! Here's to 4 more months for me to look back on and wonder where the time went!

:-)